I’m Goin’ To Hell

Ever find yourself laughing at something, I mean really laughing, belly laugh, tears running down your cheeks, stomach cramping kind of laughing?

Then all the sudden in your mind you see Sheppard Book’s face and he’s saying “you’re going to burn in a very special level of hell. A level they reserve for child molesters and people who talk at the theater.” and you go “Aw, shit. I totally am!”.

Yeah, me neither.

But, if that did happen to me today. It would have probably been when I was sitting at my desk on my last day of working in this soul sucking office and watching a Tim Minchin YouTube playlist while laughing really hard at this song:

Apparently, I’m City

So, we’re visiting family in the lower 48. Specifically farm country in Missouri.

Seth’s family.

With my tattoos and purple hair, it’s fair to say I might just stand out. Just a bit.

We went to a mushroom festival / carnival yesterday. It took a long time for me to realize why everyone was staring at me.

Got told by a family member that “You’d find a way to fit in just fine, while still being you” when I said I don’t’ think I could move to the country.

Kind of on the same note? We had an overnight in Seattle on the way down. We walked around downtown, hit Pikes Place Market, rode the big Ferris wheel, got ice cream… It was a great evening.

At one point though, I think we were in line for the Ferris wheel, and both Seth and I turned, looked at the Seattle skyline and said “Oh, wow” unison. But, for very different reasons.

I saw the city and missed everything about city life and living.

Seth looked at it and was reminded how much he hates everything about city life and living.

Pft.

Because I Needed One More Thing To Keep Up With

I’m starting Phillip his own blog.

I wrote the “About” tab, he’ll dictate all the posts.

There’s nothing there yet. I just now got it all set up and will sit down with Phillip after dinner tonight and get a post up.

Feel free to follow along:

https://phillipjohnsonsownblog.wordpress.com/

Huh.

Appently, Seth ate 18 wings and had a tall beer for lunch.

I’m an alcoholic and just had a beer for lunch.

Dawn was the only one who ate balanced, ish.

“Hamburgers. Hamburgers With Cheese”

Did I ever tell y’all about the time when Phillip was 3 and we picked up our puppy from a cow farm?

Our red heeler made babies with an adorable blue heeler and we got one!

We drive out to Smudges baby’s momma’s owners cow farm to get our puppy.

Once there Mo (baby’s momma’s owner) took Phillip over to the fence, pointed out the cows and asked if Phillip knew what they were.

 

Phillip: Hamburgers.

Mo: What?

Phillip: Hamburgers with cheese.

 

My kid is broke.

The Cool Kid?!

Today was my kiddo’s first day at school. He loves his Head Start program and all I heard for the last week was “AM I GOING TO SCHOOL TOMORROW?”

So, finally, today was the day. And, we get to school and he stuffs his gear into his cubby outside the classroom and runs in without so much as a look back or “bye mom”.

As I’m heading into his classroom I overhear this:

 

Kid 1: HEY! Phillip’s back!

Kid 2: Who’s that?

Kid 1: The cool kid in class.

 

My kid, the cool kid in class? Seriously? He’s four. He wears super hero undies, is a Dr Who geek, AND IS FOUR. How do 3-5 year olds even know what cool is?

Sigh.

Fail Better

Samuel Beckett said it best, “Ever tried. Ever failed. No matter. Try Again. Fail again. Fail better.”

I’ve failed, so many times.

I’ve fallen, I’ve hurt, I’ve been in dark places so many times I’ve lost count.

We had a family active day a week or so ago. I skated and my hubs and kiddo rode bikes.

Phillip wasn’t watching where he was going and was riding all crazy like and wiped out. Twice.

The second time he fell we had this little convo:

Phillip: I don’t wanna get back on my bike. I’m just gonna fall again.

Me: I know buddy. But, you know what? You’re gonna fall some more, no way around that. You just have to keep getting back up and try again.

Phillip: For ever? I’m gonna have to keep getting back up forever?

Me: You have no idea the profound epiphany you just had at four years old, kid.

Phillip: What?

Me: Yup, for the rest of your life you’re going to have to keep getting back up and trying again.

Phillip: Well, that’s just great. *sigh*

___________________________________

“Ever tried. Ever failed. No matter. Try Again. Fail again. Fail better.”

This is me. Failing better.

How about you?

Coming Out.

There are so many things coming out can refer to. We all know the biggest reference is when our GLBT friends and family let us know that they are GLBT. Personally, every time I hear of another person who stands up and tells the world who they are, I applaud them. I also feel heart ache when I hear of family and friends who turn their backs on our GLBT friends and family because of who they are. No one should have to hide or lie about who they are just because of bigots in their inner circle.

This heart ache, and the feelings of rage I feel for such ignorance and bigotry gives me drive to help. But, sometimes, the little you do pales in comparison to the forces working against you. It’s enough to make you feel like nothing you do matters, it feels as though the blood, sweat and tears are nothing more than just wasted energy. How can one person make a difference against a large, national organization.

Lets look at the Boy Scouts of America for an example.

My father has been a Scout Master for most of my life. Honestly, some of my earliest memories are hanging out at troop meetings with him. I have one sister and my dad’s scouts were like my brothers. To this day I am still close with several of them. I have seen how scouts have helped so many young men. How it has given them a foundation with which to build their lives on. I have seen boys with poor home lives, boys with single parent homes, boys living with neglect and boys recently pulled from abusive homes. I have personally witnessed boys who, by all rights, should have wound up in the worst of adult lives. But they didn’t, and they attribute their success and stable lives to what the BSA had taught them.

Then, on July 17th 2012, this happened: http://www.nytimes.com/2012/07/18/us/boy-scouts-reaffirm-ban-on-gay-members.html.

I cannot begin to tell you the anger I felt towards the organization that I witnessed help so many. I wanted to do something. I wanted to go to the BSA headquarters and start a protest. I wanted to write a letter, I wanted to make phone calls, I wanted to show my utter disgust with them. But, I’m just one person. What in the hell could I do that would make a difference.

Then, I found this movement:

http://tinyurl.com/9gy5gbf

It’s one I cannot join, simply due to the fact that I am not a boy scout and will never earn my Eagle. But, reading these letters, seeing the straight Eagle Scouts stand up for what they know is both true and fair, it made me cry. Then I started looking deeper. At least 50% of these letter writers, these amazing men, who are returning their medals and awards have held them since the 60’s and 70’s. These men have held their Eagle in a place of honor and displayed it with pride for over 40 years. And now, even stating that their Eagle had been the biggest point of pride, they listed it on their resumes, displayed it on their walls, encouraged every young man they met to join, they wrote these moving letters stating why they couldn’t in good conscience continue to support the BSA.

I’d like to say thank you to those brave men and young men who are standing up and doing what is right.

I’d like to also say that while I cannot take the stance these guys are taking by sending in the mother of all Boy Scout awards, I did send in a letter stating exactly how I saw the BSA shape many amazing lives and outlining the damage I foresee this stance doing.

I also have decided to volunteer at a few places that are an inclusive group dedicated to helping kids (of all races, backgrounds and sexual orientation) thrive and form a firm foundation to build their lives on.

If you’d like to find a few, this is a good place to start: http://www.bsa-discrimination.org/html/groups.html

You can also to a search in your city’s offices for alternatives for the BSA.

___________________________________

I guess when this post is said and done, I’m saying this.

See, sometimes, my favorite times, people come out in the most beautiful ways.

They stand up and say, I am a proud woman and I fell in love with this amazing, vibrant, beautiful, wonderful lady. She completes me and we want to spend the rest of our lives together.

Or, it can happen in quiet ways. A guy friend just shows up to a big gathering with his boyfriend. Nothing but polite introductions and a few acknowledging nods to mark the occasion.

Then again, some people come out to reaffirm they are bigoted ass holes.

Just know, when you are confronted with those scared, ignorant, hateful people, I’m here to be your friend. I’ll stand by you, I’ll hold your hand, I’ll laugh with you, cry with you, help you in whatever way I can. We’ll find comfort with each other and laugh over how sad those little closed minded people really are.

And, since I’m really am far more crass than eloquent, say it with me y’all: FUCK THOSE GUYS!!

I love you just ‘cuz you’re here. I don’t give a rats ass if you’re gay, lesbian, bi, transgender, straight, or into fucking food (true story, know a guy who was really into it). I don’t care. Are you a person? GREAT! C’mere I need to give you a hug. You are awesome and doing just fine. Let’s go get some coffee or a bagel. Hell, let’s be crazy and do both!

Bzz Agent Campaign: Smarterer!

Hi All!

So, we all remember a while back I said that was a Bzz Agent and got to try out a bunch of nifty stuff.

No? Well, then click on the tag and/or category for Bzz Agent, go to the first entry and see what it’s all about. It’s super cool.

Really, all the cool kids are doing it. You want in? Of course you want in. Yes, you want in. Stop that! I hate when people argue with me. You really want in!! Just go to www.bzzagent.com and sign up. Super easy, super free and super cool.

Anyway, back to the topic at hand.

So, the new campaign is this online test site called

It’s a really neat site and campaign, and the first one I actually feel I can give real feedback on. The other two were good campaigns, but I was rather neutral on them. I’m really glad I got my computer replaced when I did. I might have missed this campaign otherwise.

So, Smarterer, aside from the name absolutely driving me nuts. Smarterer, really? GAH! It’s a pretty neat site. There are tests on several different online forums, games, movies, pop culture, school subjects, computer programs, network sites…The test possibilities are endless since this seems to be the Wikipedia of test sites. I can make up my own test on my favorite garden layouts and post it there. I can even add my own questions to existing tests as well.

It was fun to take the Bzz Agent test, I stopped at a few points (40 something) shy of Expert Level since I really didn’t have time to continue. (Being a full-time Office B*tch, mom, wife and roller derby player eat up A LOT of free time). So, I guess I’m a quasi expert. IDK.

I can see this being incredibly useful for when it’s time for the Fresh Meat to study up for Derby assessments, it’s be a great way for them to study before taking the actual test. In fact, I will be suggesting this to our Fresh Meat coaches for that very reason.

I like that the tests are always evolving. Your score will not stay the same, as more questions are added, your score will drop.

OK, so, for the bit’s I wasn’t so hot on.

The timer for answering questions seems to be a bit fast. It does change with the length of the question/answers, but, I read fairly fast and the timerreally doesn’t allow for you to thoroughly read the question and answers and make a well-informed decision. Several questions I missed because I didn’t have time to go back a re-read the answers. After my first read through I’d have precious little time to read the question again and make my selection. As a dyslexic, this would absolutely screw me if it counted for a class or grade.

The site itself doesn’t really offer much info at a glance. I get that most of these tests are just little things with no real weight to them (I mean, come on, test your knowledge of the TV show Friends?) or for the purpose of replacing flash cards (basic math, english) or to just test your knowledge of e widely used computer program or web browser (Power Point, Firefox). But say for this campaign here. It says to take the test and post your score. How? It didn’t say on the campaign info page so I assumed there would be a “Hey! Look at you go!! Wanna post this to Facebook? Twitter? Anywhere on the internet?” sort of link. (Yea, I’m aware that this really isn’t the point of the Smarterer site, but wouldn’t most people want to easily post something they are scored on. I mean, I get all sorts of things in my timelines that are scored which do not test any knowledge.) There may be one, but, I looked in all the places you would usually find something like that, and, nothing. So, everyone will just have to take my word for it, I guess.

There is some great info in the links at the bottom of the page. But in this day and age, if it’s not front and center in big letters, most people aren’t going to go looking for it.

Don’t take my short responses to what I liked and the lengthy responses to what I didn’t like as my testament to not liking Smarterer. I like Smarterer (except the name, the grammar/english nazi in me wants to correct the duplicate ‘er’, much like Bzz Agent, I have yet to type Bzz, it’s always Buzz and I have to go back and correct it), I like what it is trying to do. I just think there’s a little room for improvement. I will be recommending this to people looking for an online alternative to flash cards, it seem like it could ba an invaluable option. especially if there was an app for smartphones, that way if you create a test for a class, you can add or alter questions while in the classroom with minimal effort.

(Hey all! Sorry I’ve been MIA. Had major  computer issues, as in Blue Screen of Death, issues. I had to get this Bzz Agent post out while it was all fresh in my mind. See y’all for my regularly scheduled snark, and some extra since I was computerless, in the next day or so. And, seriously? Look into this Bzz Agent stuff. It’s pretty sweet. It has to be if my first post on my brand spankin’ new computer is a Bzz Agent one!)

Really? Are Ya Sure That’s What You Want? Really?

Of course, most of you are going to answer “Hell yes that’s what I want!”. But, is it really?

I had an epiphany in the shower this morning. Lighting, struck my brain (if I may steal from Hook). Mom’s (most times) don’t really want what they say they want.

See, Phillip got up way the hell too early, like always on weekends.

Seth was sound asleep, like almost always on weekends.

And I was half asleep on the Lazy-Boy with Phillip watching Futurama reruns way the hell too early, like always on weekends.

Then after two episodes of Futurama I told Phillip I was going to shower and that he needed to keep watching TV. He agreed and got himself comfortable on the chair under a blanket and I jumped in the shower.

I was under the screaming hot water for about, oh, 4 minutes before Phillip came in wanting attention.

The next, maybe, 10 minutes were spent with me begging Phillip to leave me alone and let me shower.

Then, about the time I was rubbing conditioner in my hair I realized that Phillip was quiet and was leaving me alone.

Nice, right?

Not really.

Anyone with a toddler knows exactly what ran through my mind.

I tried calling his name and he didn’t answer.

I was totally panicked and, well, I don’t think I’ve ever rinsed my hair and got out of the shower so fast.

I have to hand it to him, Phillip was sitting on the chair under the blanket watching Futurama and being very well behaved. But, in the mind of a mom…..

There is nothing quite as terrifying as the dead calm and silence when you have no idea where in the house your toddler is, or what they’re doing.

Like I said. Is it really what you want?